A certain way to make money

Donate a dollar for every time you utter the word "like" without necessity. For example: "Like I got so mad, because he like grabbed me and like told me [insert outrageous statement here. could possibly contain the word like], and I slapped him like crazy, I mean like wow!", which could be effectively reduced to "I slapped the sense out of him for being an idiot", eliminating any useless fillers. The average person has uttered this word 5 times (give or take 3), and it will have taken him/her no more than 10 seconds to say it. That yields to an approximate rate of 0.5$/person-second. Multiply that by the very large fraction of the English speaking population that has the tendency to say like every 2 seconds, and I'll be very rich in a short period of time. This method, of course, assumes that every semi-illiterate person in the world is speaking continuously, and this assumption is correct to an extent as they never seem to shut the fuck up, but they have to sleep - and I do not need to mention eat, since subhumans eat with their mouths full -, and sometimes the world is graced by great people who silences them. This would account to a loss of accuracy, but it would be insignificant in comparison to the humongous amounts of money generated through the use of bad English. To illustrate the negligible magnitude of error in my method of calculation, you would simply have the visualize the sum of donated money for every unnecessary use of the word 'like' - it would be so large that one would only need to worry about the order of magnitude (i.e. how many zeroes after the first number, such as "Your account balance is 4 x 10^15 $".).
So keep talking. Make me a... erm, I don't know the word, let me look up the table of orders of magnitude... septillionaire (1x10^24 $... or a yottadollar, if you will).

UPDATE: I was thinking about the previous entry regarding the certain way to make myself a septillionaire. I realized that there is a minor flaw. Given the mental capacities and limitations of those who will be paying me a dollar for every time they utter useless fillers between their empty words because their brains aren't efficient enough to generate useful messages, it would be too much to ask them to track how many times they say "like". They probably do not realize as they say "like" as it has become an unconscious reflex to when their brain is empty (99.58% of the time, evidently), else they would be able to string together a coherent sentence without repeating the same word every 4 nanoseconds. Also, as I said, considering their mental limitations, even if they remembered to keep track of the times they say this dreadful word, they would lose count. If these people cannot count to 10 without saying "like" again, you cannot expect them to count to numbers of several orders of magnitude greater than their infinitesimal imaginations can perceive.
So as the philanthropist I am, I have developed a method to aid these mentally deficient subhumans. It is roughly based on the model of radiation detector, such as the Geiger Mueller type I used last week, which counted beta radiation of a Sr-90 source, ranging around 19,500 counts per minute. I find it pertinent to use this model, as the counts/min of the times these brainless apes pronounce the word you know will be similar to those of ionizing radiation, though a more conservative estimate would suggest that the average semi-illiterate will be able to pronounce this word far more than 19,500 times in a minute of high activity. These mammals pronouncing the word, as radiation, is a random event, but you could bet your testicles with fair certainty that it will happen within a finite interval of time.
The like-counter, baptised SomarOh-meter in honour of its glorious inventor, consists of a gas-filled tube, such as the typical Geiger-Mueller, only that the more sophisticated SomarOh-meter will instead contain Somarons, a type of intelligent charged particle I discovered yesterday. The Somarons are similar to electrons, only that the charge of a single Somaron is 5094 times larger than that of an electron. This may lead people to question the existence of a Somaron, but I saw it. With my naked eyes. And it's not a bundle of electrons. These Somarons, as mentioned earlier, are "intelligent" charged particles, and they are sensitive to sound. They react violently when it senses the word like. So when a hominoid utters the word, the Somaron is activated and ionizes its surroundings inside the tube, forming an ion cloud around the central wire. This generates a pulse, which is sent to the output, a scaler timer that counts the number of pulses. Ideally, the number of pulses would be equal to the number of times a baboon has pronounced the word, but due to the chance of an unusually high count rate, it is likely that some pulses will be emitted in less time than the resolving time, thus causing an inaccuracy of counts. However, this can be corrected, and this is confidential, so it won't be published here.
The scaler timer would be set to 86400 seconds (a day, that is, in case you're slow), and the number of counts would be the number of dollars that would be recorded in the particular chimpanzee's account to be paid to me.As for the manufacturing costs, it will be very low, as Somarons can easily be extracted from the discoverer's densely concentrated urine. The counters will be sent to the population of subhuman macaques so that they can start paying their philanthropist, the glorious inventor of this counter and founder of this initiative.
Expect a SomarOh-meter soon. I will be expecting the yottadollars in my account